Cold War Events

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Containment

1945

President Truman adopted a foreign policy of containment to try to prevent the spread of the awful, primitive, uncivilized policy of communism that the USSR was rudely trying to impose on other countries.

Yalta Conference

February, 1945

We had our amazing president, FDR, meet with the other members of the Big Three: Churchill who was Prime Minister of Britain and Stalin the dictator of the USSR. The meeting was mainly to discuss re-establishment of the nations after WWII. The three decided to divide Germany into zones to be controlled by the Allied military forces. We all love FDR, but I don't think he was feeling too well during the conference because Stalin was allowed to take over most of the East European countries for the USSR's major part in defeating Hitler. But even for all of the Soviets assistance and agreement to join the war against Japan, I still don't trust Stalin...

Potsdam Conference

July, 1945

Unfortunately our amazing President FDR died in April, so he was unable to attend the Potsdam Conference :( Instead, FDR's Vice-President Truman attended in his place to meet with Stalin and Churchill. The three once again discussed how to re-establish the nations after the war. I knew giving that untrustworthy, conniving Stalin control in the last conference would come back to haunt us. Stalin rudely broke his agreement and refused to allow the Eastern European countries to have free elections!!! The terrible, awful Stalin is clearly violating those countries rights. The only point he's right on is that communism and capitalism can NOT exist in the same world..

Vietnam War

1946 - 1975

Vietnamese nationalist, Ho Chi Minh, joined forces with the nasty communists in order to shake off France's control, and after suffering a major defeat at Dien Bien Phu, France was forced to surrender....... :( boo... Vietnam was then divided into two sections with Ho Chi Minh's communists (boo) governing in the north while France and the US set up an anti-communist government (yay! :D) in the south led by Ngo Dihn Diem. When terrible, aggresive North Vietnam attacked two of our ships in the Gulf of Tonkin, we decided that it was time to act and sent troops over. Even though our amazing, super awesome military was the most advanced in the world, the communist USSR and China both joined forces with North Vietnam against us!! I didn't really see the point of the war anymore and most of the other US citizens agreed, so our troops began to leave Vietnam (lucky for those communists!). Unfortunately, when we pulled out, the North took over the South imposing an awful communism government :(

Brinkmanship

1946

After all of the awful wars (WWII and WWI) we didn't want to get pulled into another war, but if that terrible, communist USSR provoked us enough we would be willing to retaliate and go to the brink of war with them.

Marshall Plan

1948 - 1951

US Secretary of State George Marshall came up with a brilliant plan to help contain the spread of communism! He proposed Marshall Plan which would be an assistance program to provide food, machinery, and other materials to rebuild the devastated countries of Europe (our country was still one of the superpowers though since it's so amazing). After all, communism appeals to poor people, so we give them money and no more problem! Right? However, in order to maintain control over the Eastern European countries, souless Stalin didn't let those countries except our generous offer of financial aid! I knew we shouldn't have trusted him >_<

Iron Curtain

1949

The terrible, untrustworthy, communist USSR made the iron curtain! It's a line that divides Europe into two sections with the Eastern countries controlled by the USSR on one side and the Western countries on the other side. The iron curtain is just a way for them to keep communism in their Eastern European satellite states and to keep us, the most amazing country ever from, from helping improve all of Europe by giving those countries freedom from communism.

Explosion of Joe 1

1949

I can't believe the USSR was actually able to develop an atomic bomb.. President Truman decided that in order to combat the threat of the USSR, we must make an even more deadly weapon. I mean it's not like we would abuse the power..Unlike that terrible, communist Soviet Union >_<

Formation of NATO

1949

We decided to form a defensive alliance with Canada and ten other Western European countries called the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). That way if the USSR got too bold and attacked any one of us, they would have to face the military forces of all of the member nations. That'll teach the USSR to not mess with us, the super, amazing US!

Korean War

1950 - 1953

After WWII, the 38th parallel, which lies at 38 degrees north latitude, was the dividing line that separated the country into communist North Korea and non-communist South Korea. That meanie USSR actually supplied North Korea with weapons to invade South Korea!! Luckily, the UN decided to intervene and 15 other nations decided to send troops to support the South Koreans. Our amazing troops were able to push back the North Koreans and half of them surrendered to us! But, then communist China joined with the North Koreans causing a stalemate. Eventually, we had to sign a cease fire, so Korea remains divided, but because of our generous help the south is prospering while the north is suffering economic problem, all thanks to that dumb policy called communism of course!

Domino Theory

1950

We recently heard the US govrnment promoting their new idea called the domino theory which suspected that if one area were to fall to communism the surrounding countries would follow :0 This is why we NEED to intervene to stop the spread of terrible, awful communism.

Warsaw Pact

1955

What copy cats! We formed NATO, so of course the souless Soviet Union had to form a defensive alliance to "protect themselves" called the Warsaw Pact with the countries of Eastern Europe (Czechoslovakia, Poland, Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, and Albania). It's not like we're a threat to them! They're the meanie, agressive nation who is trying to spread communism :(

Suez Canal Crisis

1956

Egypt seized control of the British controlled Suez Canal which makes sense since the canal does run along their eastern border. However, Britain was outraged and asked France and Israel to help them take back the canal. Even though Israel was able to quickly defeat the Egyptians, we were able to convince them to withdraw and give the canal back to Egypt. For once the USSR was actually reasonable and supported Egypt's claim of the canal. We didn't really need their help though since we're so amazing but oh well.

Sputnik Launched

August, 1957

I can't believe those communist, souless Soviet Unioners was able to lauch the first unmanned satellite into space!!!!!!! Oh my gosh.. we can't be falling behind though.. Right? I mean America's just so amazing! The government is really upping the math and science requirements now. Poor kids :/ But there's absolutely NO chance that we could ever risk falling behind that terrible communist country (not like that'd ever happen).

Cuban Missile Crisis

July, 1962

Oh my gosh!!!! Cuckoo Soviet Premier Khruschchev actually built 42 missile sites in Cuba!!!!! Our super amazing, brilliant President John F. Kennedy declared that the missiles were WAY too close to us for comfort and stated that they were a huge threat (of course because those terrible, crazy communists were controlling them!!). He demanded the missiles removal and blockaded Cuba to prevent the installment of any more missiles. Things got pretty tense there for awhile, and many feared a nuclear war, but I knew th USSR wouldn't dare want to mess with us (the super amazing US)! Besides we had plenty of missiles in Europe pointed right at the USSR too, so they backed off and withdrew the missiles (becuase obviously they were just afraid of our awesomness).

Detente

1970

We were growing tired of the constant fighting with the terrible, communist Soviet Union, so we all thought it best to back away from direct confrontation (lucky for them!). President Nixon decided that it was for the best to replace our policy of brinkmanship with detente, a policy of lessening tensions from the Cold War drawn from the philosophy of realpolitik. We still hate communism, but were just tired of all the fighting. Besides we know we're awesome! There's no need to prove it to that stubborn, primitive, souless Soviet Union led by Brezhnev.

Salt Talks

1972

President Nixon and Mr. Bushy Eyebrow Brezhnev met and had a series of meeting called the Strategic Arms Limitation Talks (SALT). Both of them signed the SALT I Treaty which limited the number of intercontinental ballistic and submarine-launched missiles each country could have. At least we were trying to make peace with those awful, aggressive, communist Soviets.

Invasion of Afganistan

1979 - 1989

When the Muslims in Afghanistan revolted against the communist regime, the selfish Soviet Union stepped in and invaded. I can't believe the Soviets would go and nose their way into even more trouble! All they do is interfere with other countries to spread communism. They always the US for meddling but really? They're the ones who interfered with what the Afghanistan people wanted!!! We only decided to get involved and supply the Afghan rebels, called mujahideen, to help the people get their freedom from communism! Because honestly, is there anyone happy in a communist society ruled by selfish leaders? I don't think so! In order to discourage the USSR's invasion, President Carter stopped grain shipment to the Soviet Union and boycotted the Moscow Olympics (we didn't have to go because we know we're already the best). At least there may be one sane Soviet Premier because when Gorbachev came to power, he withdrew the Soviet troops.

Reagan's Strategic Defensive Initiative

1983

Anti-communist President Reagan increased US spending to put economic and military pressure on those terrible Soviets. He knew that the US had to watch it's back because there's no trusting those Communists. I mean really, who can trust them? So he introduced the Strategic Defense Initiative (SDI) to protect us against the enemy (* cough* the USSR*). However, his plan was not put into effect :/ but remained a symbol of our hatred of that uncivilized form of "government" they call communism.

USSR

Yalta Conference

1945

Winston Churchill (from Britain), Stuped Roosevelt (from the stupid United States), and Super cool Stalin (from the super cool USSR) met at the Soviet Black Sea resort of Yalta to determine what to do about Germany after the allies won (all thanks to Stalin the "man of steel"). This is where the allies practically begged Stalin to help them defeat the Japanese.

Containment

1945

Meany, smelly, usa tried to keep the bestest, fairest government ever aka Communism from spreading through the political method of Containment.

Postdam Conference

July, 1945

Since the US's president Roosevelt (only half-completely dumb) died, Terrible Truman was the US's new president. Terrible Truman, Churchill, and Super Cool Stalin met up at the Potsdam Conference in Potsdam, Germany where Terrible Truman ganged up on Stalin and ordered him to go against everything he ever believed in to allow free elections (HOW RUDE), but Stalin proudly refused and pretty much said "Give me communism or give me death" :,) how touching!!!

Vietnam War

1946 - 1975

The Vietnamese nationalist, Ho Chi Minh, begged the good USSR (seeing that we were such good communists) to help them break away from French control. Ho led the Communists in revolts and riots against French rule, so the French jailed the protestors. Ho Chi Minh believed that Vietnam would gain independance from France when the Japanese failed to gain Vietnam. Finally after lots of fighting, the French surrendered to the Vietnamese at the battle of Dien Bien Phu. The usa wanted the french to win (haha suckers). Vietnam divided and the north was an independant vietnam, but the south was controlled by usa and france (boo) which was anti-communist (double boo).Good ole communist guerrillas kept on attaking the French and usa troops, so the usa went to war against vietnam rather than see another great communist country flourish. Luckily the usa withdrew from the war due to unpopularity with usa citizens.

Brinkmanship

1946

The evil usa decided to be ready on the brink of war in a political strategy called Brinkmanship because they are just so explosively aggressive.

Marshall Plan

1948 - 1951

The stupid states of america (doesnt deserve to be capitalized) decided to try to keep the rest of the world from the awesome views of communism by paying them money to keep communism, which appeals to the poor, from spreading to the other European countries. HOW DUMB CAN U BE!!! GO AHEAD usa AND SPEND ALL UR MONEY WITH YOUR BRIBERY TRYING TO SHOW OFF TO OTHER COUNTRIES. >:( Good old USSR wouldnt let our countries accept their tainted money

Joe 1

1949

The Soviet Union created the biggest baddest bomb named after the bestest ruler a country could have, Super cool Stalin!!! It was a really cool, but peaceful atomic bomb merely created for defensive purposes.

Formation of NATO

1949

The stupid states of america formed a north atlantic treaty organization with ten other dumb countries as a threat to the beautiful always peaceful USSR. They made a pact that they would all go to war if one of them was attacked. Well if the us wants to be all aggressive and a war fighter then go ahead.

Iron Curtain

1949

The bestest county in the world aka USSR made the iron curtain for their own protection from the viscious, savage usa as a line where the territory of the USSR ended. It is the division of Europe between best place ever; USSR and poverty stricken, savage, meany beany, bullys; rest of Europe.

Korean War

1950 - 1953

The good old USSR knew that the selfish usa would abandon Korea, so we (being the helpful, caring country that we are) supplied them to take over the penninsula. The 38th parallel was the dividing line between South Korea and North Korea. Terrible Truman's precious "containment" was at risk so he went against Korea. the medelsome usa decided to get the UN involved (even though they refused to get involved in any genocides) which basically sent alot of soldiers to their deaths and wasted supplies for Korea to remain divided and where it was before they started invading.

Domino Theory

1950

Pooey usa came up with a theory called the domino theory where they belived if one country became awesome with communism, its neighbors would follow because communism is just so awesome.

Warsaw Pact

1955

The Soviets created their own really cool pact between eastern Europe called the Warsaw Pact. Since the usa had been so aggresive, the USSR needed allies to secure its safety.

Suez Canal Crisis

1956

Egypt took hold of the Suez Canal which was previously held by the British. Britain threw a little tantrum and asked France and Israel to retake the Canal. Since the USSR is so resonable, we stepped in and told the Europeans to back off and the usa stood behind us even though we never necessarily wanted them there.

Sputnik Launched

1957

Being so brilliant and inventive, the USSR launched the first satelite called Sputnik into space. How inventive are we? Thats right whos the best? THE USSR!!!

Cuban Missle Crisis

July, 1962

Nikita Khrushchev, (ruler of Super cool Soviet Union) determined that the usa would not oppose the USSR from expanding in Latin America, so he built 42 missles in Cuba. Kookoo Kenedy declared the missiles a threat to the usa for being so close to the usa and ordered them to be taken down (psh he thinks he can just order everyone around. what a jerk). Since everyone knows that Khrushchev was a peaceful man, he followed the usa's request merely to pacify the world and to protect the world (he's a hero for saving the world) from the usa's psychopathic rages which would have made a nuclear world war. Khrushchev's only request was that the usa not harm his buddy, Cuba (how generous and chivalrous!), so Cuba supported communism and the USSR and because of Fidel Castro's loyalty to the USSR, he is hated and despised throughout the insolent americans to this day.

Detente

1970

Nixon, usa's poopy president, saw the usa as the meanypants it was and tried to be a little nicer by declaring detente. Detente= a policy of lessening Cold War tensions which replaced brinkmanship. Detente came from realpolitik. Seriously why does the stupid states of america think they have a right to mess with our government system when we dont mess with theirs and attempt to go to war to contain it. They are such hypocrits. They dont want to involve the usa in a war for genocides simply because they dont want war, but the usa has declared several wars just to stop the spread of communism. The members of the usa's government have no hearts. Their souls are consumed in the greedy dark abyss hungering for power and money. americans are such greedy,snobby, conceited, covetous, interfering morons.

Salt Talks

1972

The SALT (strategic arms limitation talks) talks were a bunch of meetings between stinky nixon and amazing Brezhnev. This limited the number of missiles and weapons each country could have. Stupid americans are once again hypocriticle. They go against their own government's constitution which states that each citizen "has the right to bare arms." They freak out when the USSR tries to bare arms even though we have never used them against the usa. They freak out at our missles in cuba even though they were absolutely fine with themselves bombing atomic bombs in Japan.

Invasion of Afghanistan

1979 - 1989

Since Muslims revolted in Afghanistan, the good ole Soviet Union decided to help out the government and bring stability seeing that Afghanistan was communist and sent troops to help stabilize the government. Just out of evil malace and spite, the usa supplied the rebels because the usa was a bullying country and had a fondness for bullying the innocent USSR because the usa did not want any competition and wanted all the Afghanistan oil for its selfish self. Thats right THE usa WAS SUPPLYING TERRORISTS SUCH AS THE TALABAN TO KEEP THEIR PRECIOUS OIL. THATS RIGHT THE NEXT REMEMBRANCE OF 9-11 SHOULD BE REMEMBERING HOW THE usa SUPPORTED THE TERRORISTS OUT OF SELFISHNESS AND GREEDINESS. What hypocrits! The stupid usa condemns the very terrorists they made and supported. If you ask me, the americans are the real terrorists because they tried to kill innocent women and children in Russia by refusing to sell them food even though Russia had only been a loyal and honest ally to the usa throughout both World Wars and had never so much as attacked the usa throughout the usa's mocking and starvation and tempertantrums and meanniness and bullying behavior. Jimmy Carter then proceeded to kick the Soviet Union when it was down by trying to starve the USSR (the americans are such hypocrites. They think Hitler was evil for starving jews while they are starving Russians) by stopping us grain shipments to the USSR and the usa was so snooty enough to even miss out on the Moscow olympics (because they knew our strong Russian athletes would have beaten them) by boycotting it.

Reagan's Strategic Defense Initiative

1983

While the usa criticized the USSR keeping weapons, Reagan, their pig of a president (his mother was a hamster and his father smelled of elderberrys - from Monty Python and the Holy Grail) increased the usa's spending on weapons and military. Talk about hypocracy. According to Dante's Inferno, Americans would be in the Malebolge, in the 8th circle of hell (where they would for all eternity walk in a circle with agonizingly heavy cloaks waying them down just as their hypocracy in life wore others down). The Strategic Defense Initiative was a program "protecting" enemy missiles(even though the program was never really launched). The good ole USSR had never fired a missle at the usa. Reagan merely set up this program to make the world think that the USSR were the bad guys when in fact the usa was just covering up their misdeeds.