Cold War Timeline

USA (Lexi)

Yalta Conference

February, 1945

The awesomest met with the worst (and of course this means the USA and Britain met with the USSR) at one of the worst places on the planet, the Soviet Black Sea resort of Yalta. They agreed to divide Germany into zones controlled by the amazing Allied military forces, but the greedy Soviets made Germany pay them to make up for their losses. Stalin's actions are very suspicious, because he also agreed to join the war against Japan and to give Eastern Europeans free elections.

Potsdam Conference

July, 1945

Another meeting of the best with the worst after Stalin (the worst) betrayed the agreement he had with the best (Truman and Churchill) and installed communistic governments (ewww) in Albania, Hungary, Poland, Yugoslavia, Czechoslovakia, and Romania. This time they met in Germany (not a good place, but also not as bad as where the Yalta Conference was...) and stupid Stalin refused to allow free elections.

Marshall Plan

1948 - 1951

The amazing Allies were being their kind, smart, generous selves and they gave food, machinery, and more to Western Europe in an assistance program to help them rebuild and to prevent Communism, because sometimes poor people get a little bit delirious and start thinking that somehow Communism could actually be a good idea. Crazy, right?

Formation of NATO

1949

The North Atlantic Treating Organization is a defensive military alliance of the USA, Canada, and 10 western European countries, which was a smart move on their part because there is a good chance that those savage Soviets will give in to their blood-lust and attack one of the countries in NATO. With the formation of NATO, if Stalin attacked a member, then he would met by a super-army supplied by all member countries.

Joe 1 Explosion

1949

The self-centered, narcissistic, self-absorbed Joseph Stalin named the USSR's first atomic bomb Joe 1 in honor of himself. The idiots in the USSR were 4 years behind the intelligent, highly advanced USA. Even though they had just developed an atomic bomb, that wasn't good enough for the power hungry soviets and they started work on a more deadly weapon. Truman had to take precautionary measures and authorized the USA to work on a hydrogen bomb in 1950. The USA outsmarted the Soviet again (of course) and tested their first hydrogen bomb in 1952, and the Soviets didn't explode their own until 1953

Korean War

1950 - 1953

At the end of WWII, Korea divided. North from the 38th parallel (a line that crosses Korea at 38 degrees north latitude, the Japanese surrendered to Soviet forces and South of the 38th parallel, the Japanese surrendered to American troops. The Communists infected the northern half of Korea with communism while the Western powers helped to keep Communism out of the southern half and make it a better country. The poor effects of Communism are seen in North Korea because it is industrial whereas the Communism-free South Korea is more rural, which is obviously better.

Vietnam War

1954 - 1977

The US gallantly joined in the Vietnam War to stop the spread of more Communism. Ho Chi Minh (a Vietnamese nationalist) went a little bit crazy and asked Communists for help in the struggle against the French, so the French jailed Vietnamese protestors and sentenced Ho to death. However, Ho escaped. The Vietminh (Independence) League was founded by Ho and it consisted of nationalists. The Japanese were forced out of Vietnam by the Vietminh League, but France wanted to regain control. In 1954, the French lost at Dien Bien Phu and surrendered to Ho. The USA was supporting France in Vietnam and they worried about the Domino Effect when France lost. There was an international peace conference at Geneva and Ho (who had obviously gone entirely crazy at this point) and his communist forces governed North of 17 degrees North latitude. South of that line, the better half of Vietnam formed. In the south, the USA and France set up an anti-communist government lead by Ngo Dinh Diem.

Formation of the Warsaw Pact

1955

The Soviets had one of their moments of intelligence and they recognized the power of NATO. Then, they decided to counter NATO with the Warsaw Pact consisting of Poland, the USSR, East Germany, Czechoslovakia, Hungary, Romania, Albania, and Bulgaria. Formation of the Warsaw Pact was accompanied by East Germany building the Berlin Wall to separate East and West Berlin and it symbolized a world divided in a rivalry. But the USSR and Germany were so secretive and self-centered in their actions that, even though it was a fellow Communist country, actually the largest, China distrusted the USSR and did not ally with them. Some other countries, such as India, acted similarly to China and did not join either alliance

Suez Canal Crisis

1956

Britain and the USA were very generous, but they had to draw a line somewhere, so they cut financial support of the Egyptians for the building of the Aswan Dam. It was a perfectly understandable action, but the Egyptians over-reacted by a lot and they decided to attack without any substantial reason and they took the canal. Britain obviously couldn't just let that happen, so they got support from France and Israel to help them retake the canal. It was an easy victory with air support from their allies and with the Israelis marching on the Suez Canal, but Britain had more important things to worry about than some little Egyptian overreaction, so they withdrew and left Egypt in charge of the canal.

Sputnik Launch

October, 1957

Somehow those Soviets managed to get a satellite in space before the USA could, which makes no sense because the USA obviously has a higher level of intelligence than the USSR, and so the USA put more emphasis on education in science and technology. Because we are so awesome, it took the USA only a year to launch our own satellite, but the USA is still winning general awesomeness level overall because they had the atomic bomb and hydrogen bomb first.

Cuban Missile Crisis

July, 1962

Though he was better than Stalin, Khruschev was still pretty bad and turned out to be equally secretive, sneaky, and power hungry. He went behind the backs of the USA and installed 42 missile sites in Cuba with the hopes of gaining control of some Latin American areas. But no one can outsmart the USA for long, and some American spy planes found the sites. The great President John Kennedy took smart measures to ensure the safety of the USA and he blocked ships from the USSR to Cuba to deter further missile production and he ordered the destruction of the existing missiles. The cowardly Soviets backed out because they feared an invasion of Cuba by the USA, which was a good idea because any invasion by the USA is a force to be reckoned with. The outcome of the Cuban Missile Crisis caused the world another casualty to communism because Cuba became dependent on the Soviets and made an absurd decision to back Communism to show their gratitude. But, as can be expected of anything involving the Soviets, the Soviets eventually backed out and stopped aiding Cuba.

Detente

1970 - 1975

Nixon made a very wise decision using the philosophy of realpolitik. He saw a good solution to worldwide issues which was détente, a policy of lessening Cold War tensions. Nixon replaced the USA’s policy of direct confrontation with the Soviet Union with détente. He was also smart enough to see the extreme value in maintaining efforts to contain communism. On the Soviet side of this event, Brezhnev showed himself to be better than Stalin and Khruschev because he agreed to pursue détente and to reduce tensions between the USSR and the USA.

SALT Talks

1972

Nixon proved himself a talented leader with these SALT talks and Brezhnev showed himself once again to be better than his predecessors. SALT talks were a series of meetings called the Strategic Arms Limitation Talks and after these talks Nixon and Brezhnev really showed the quality of leaders they were by making it official and signing the SALT 1 Treaty. This treaty was a five-year agreement limiting the intercontinental ballistic and submarine-launched missile numbers for each country. Thirty-three other countries later followed the excellent example set by Nixon and Brezhnev and committed themselves to détente and cooperation in the Helsinki Accords.

Invasion of Afghanistan

1979

The Soviets were sticking their noses in other peoples’ business again and just before Afghanistan was going to make an amazing step forward and overthrow the Communist regime, those pesky Soviets stepped in and decided help the Afghan Communists. The Soviets expected an easy win, but that wasn’t what they got because the US heroically backed the mujahideen (Afgan rebel group that included the Taliban) and gave them weapons to help them stand their ground. The USA also acted on a warning they had made to the USSR earlier (not to try to take over the Persian Gulf) and they boycotted the 1980 Olympics because they were in Moscow. The US chose the right side because the Soviets ended up withdrawing their troops.

Reagan's Strategic Defense Initiative

1983

The USA remained committed and held steadfast to their anti-Communist ways when Reagan introduced the Strategic Defense Initiative. The SDI was a program to protect against enemy missiles and even though it was not actually put into effect, it still stands as a symbol and reminder of the US anti-Communist position and their efforts to contain the disease-like spread of Communism.

USSR (Erin)

Yalta Conference

Feb, 1945

Britain, America, and we went to a pretty sweet resort at the Soviet Black Sea called Yalta. We all agreed to divide Germany and we agreed that Germany must pay us for our tragic loss of life and property. The wonderful Stalin agreed to join the war against Japan. Winston Churchill said that we would only keep our promise if the Eastern Europeans follow "a policy friendly to Russia." What the heck dude. We're great people!

Potsdam Conference

July, 1945

The Great Stalin, Churchill, and Truman (ew) all got called back to Potsdam, Germany because Stalin secured communist governments in Albania, Bulgaria, Hungary, Czechoslovakia, Romania, Poland, and Yugoslavia. Good job Stalin! he's so great. But anyway, Truman tried to convince Stalin to permit free elections in Europe. But then Stalin said that communism and capitalism could not exist in the same world. Good choice Stalin!

Marshall Plan

1948 - 1951

America decided to make a plan to give aid to needy European countries. That is so dumb because we, being the wonderful soviets that we are, could have helped Europe eventually! America are just taking away our future Soviets!

Formation of NATO

1949

Western European, United States, and Canada created an alliance called the North Atlantic Treaty Organization or NATO because they were scared of how awesome we are. They're just chickens.

Explosion of Joe 1

1949

In 1949, we made the most awesome atomic bomb ever! When we exploded it, it really freaked out that dumb U.S. president, Truman. He decided to make an atomic weapon that was much stronger than ours. That will never happen because we built ours with pure amazingness.

Korean War

1950 - 1953

North Korea went across the 38th parallel and landed a surprise attack on South Korea. We were really betting that America wouldn't defend South Korea, so we helped North Korea become strong because we're such great people! Unfortunately, with the help of the UN, South Korea landed a surprise attack on North Korea. North Koreans surrendered. Why can't you just let us have one victory, America?! Jeez!

Vietnam War

1954 - 1977

Vietnamese Nationalists and Communists joined together to fight the French Armies. America helped France (of course). Why can't they just let France defend themselves!? They are just dead set on making sure that communism doesn't spread. They're just jealous!

Formation of the Warsaw Pact

1955

Not that we were scared of NATO or anything, but we decided to make our own alliance along with East Germany, Czechoslovakia, Poland, Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, and Albania. We decided to call it the Warsaw Pact. That sounds soooo much cooler than NATO. In Germany, they built the Berlin Wall to divide the wonderful Eastern Germany from their loser counterpart, West Germany.

Suez Canal Crisis

1956

The Egyptians tried to seize control of the Suez Canal. The British and U.S. stopped supporting the Egyptian building financially. The pressure from us and America forced Israel and the Europeans to withdraw from Egypt, leaving Egypt in charge of the Suez Canal.

Sputnik Launched

October, 1957

We launched the first unmanned satellite into space! Sputnik! It even better because it made the Americans feel like they had fallen behind in science and technology! Take that America!!

Cuban Missile Crisis

July, 1962

Khrushchev built 42 missile sites in Cuba because he was convinced that the Americans wouldn't resist Soviet expansion in Latin America. Those silly Americans. They can't all be geniuses like Khrushchev! JFK thought that he would be all cool and force the Cubans to remove our awesome missiles but Cuba totally supports us because we're way better than the Americans.

Detente

1970 - 1975

Nixon created a policy called detente in order to break away from the awesomeness that is the Soviet Union in order to release tensions. We agreed. It's not too bad of an idea and it gets those annoying Americans out of our hair.

SALT Talks

1972

So Nixon and Brezhnev had some talks called Strategic Arms Limitation Talks, or SALT. They agreed that there should be a limit on how many intercontinental ballistic and Sub-launched missiles a country can have. Americans are no fun!

Invasion of Afghanistan

1979

We decided to go into Afghanistan to help out our communist buddies there and then we were planning to withdraw. It's not really an "invasion." We were simply putting the Afghan communists back in their place. But anyway, it took a little longer than expected. The dumb Americans were all like, "oh no! the Soviets are threatening our oil! waaahhh!!!" Geez, they take everything too personally. Eventually Gorbachev pulled our troops out.

Reagan's Strategic Defense Initiative

1983

The detente agreement collapsed. Totally not our fault. The new U.S. president, Reagan, created a program to protect against enemy missiles which wasn't even put into effect, it was just there to be an anti-communist symbol that's meant to make us peeved.