Cold War Events

Soviet Union Point of View

Iron Curtain: The boundary between the awesome Communist countries in Eastern Europe that just care so much for their people and those democratic Western Europeans who are trash and let their people decide what to do. Look how that's working for them.
Containment: That stupid U.S. president Truman is trying to stop the spread of Communism by giving poor countries money. Look how much Communism has helped Russia. Just ask any Russia. I mean it's not like if they say Communism is terrible that them and their family will magically disappear. I have no idea what you're talking about. That basically never happens.
Brinkmanship: Policy of threatening to go to war in response to any enemy agression. Yeah we do that sometimes, but hey, it keeps those stupid Americans on their toes.
Dominoe Theory: The best thing that ever happened to southeast Asia. This is probably the best decision they ever make that when one nation falls to Communism, the nearby nations also fall.

Yalta Conference

February 4, 1945 - February 11, 1945

This is when the US, Britain, and most importantly the USSR met in the beautiful Soviet city of Yalta. We agreed to divide Germany into zones controlled by the Allies. We also for some stupid reason decided to help them fight against Japan, but yeah basically we divided Germany.

Potsdam Conference

July 1945

The Soviet Union (the bomb), the U.S. (the pansies), and England (the terrible teeth) met in Potsdam, Germany and that jerk Truman tried to make us permit free elections in Eastern Europe. Of course we refuse, and the Great Joseph Stalin declared that communism and capitalism could not exist in the same worlds, which is true.

Marshall Plan

1948 - 1951

The stupid U.S. tried to assist the poor European countries by giving them food, machinery, and other materials so they could rebuild. Of course the Eastern European countries didn't take any of this bribery, even if we told them not to.

Explosion of Joe I

1949

We were just minding our business setting off a nuclear bomb, when the US freaked out. I mean it wasn't that big of a deal. But whatever. And it was named after the Greatest ruler ever: Joseph Stalin. The US thought they had to make some king of hydrogen bomb or some kind of thermonuclear something. These words are too big. Imagine how long thermonuclear is in Russian. It's probably like bigboomenbergenschlavenskishlavyschlav. Or longer.

Formation of NATO

1949

Those traitorous Western Europeans, he U.S., and Canada made a defensive military alliance called that North Atlantic Treaty Organization or NATO. I mean it's bad enough its the Western Europeans and the US, BUT CANADA!!!!??? Seriously their bacon is fake. And they all own polar bears and penguins. What's the point of Canada? Oh well. At least we have the Warsaw Pact which is obviously so much better.

Korean War

1950 - 1953

The 38th parallel divided the awesome Communist North Korea from the pathetic South Korea. The two sides were the UN and South Korea and China with North Korea. We decided not to participate since Taiwan was accepted into the Security Council rather than Communist China. I mean why would they do that? Cuz they're jerks.

Formation of the Warsaw Pact

1955

Us and our Eastern European buddies: East Germany, Czechoslovakia, Poland, Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, an d Albania, made the Warsaw Pact. We also built a wall to separate East and West Berlin. So we're pretty threatening, I'm not gonna lie.

Suez Canal Crisis

1956

Egypt took over the Suez Canal. The Egyptian president Gamal Abdel Nasser sent troops to the canal which was controlled by those stupid British guys. Seriously what's wrong with their teeth? Anyway it was prompted by Nasser's anger over the loss of U.S. and British financial support for the Aswan Dam. Then Israel took back over but the U.S. and the best country ever, the USSR, forced Israel and other Europeans to withdraw from Egypt.

Vietnam War

1957 - 1973

The Vietnamese Communists and Nationalist joined to fight the French army. The French lost and then Vietnam was divided. The U.S. and France had the south and were anti-Communist while the awesome north was controlled by Communist forces. Obviously you can tell who wins because Communism is just so amazing. The cowardly U.S. backed out of Vietnam due to protests and The North overran the South. More proof that Communists always win.

Sputnik Launched

August 1957

The fearless USSR used an ICBM to launch Sputnik which is the first unmanned satellite. Those cowardly and ignorant Americans thought they fell behind in science in technology, so their pathetic government made their pathetic students study more math and science. Sucks for them.

Cuban Missile Crisis

July 1962

I mean we were just casually placing nuclear weapons in Cuba when the U.S. freaked out. They made a blockade so we couldn't import more missiles. The nerve! Everyone was freaking out about there being a nuclear war. So many pathetic people in the world.... We finally took the missiles out so people wouldn't freak out anymore. We agreed to do this as long as the U.S. promised to never invade Cuba.

Detente

1970 - 1973

We decided to lessen Cold War tensions with the U.S. It replaced brinkmanship. Nixon was the pansy U.S. president while Leonid "Eyebrow man" Brezhnev was our awesome and unstoppable premier.

SALT

1972

The great USSR met with the pansy Nixon in several meetings called the Strategic Arms Limitation Talks or SALT. Nixon and Brezhnev signed the SALT I Treaty. It was a five year agreement, limited to 1972 levels the number of intercontinental ballistic and submarine-launched missiles each country could have. That's a lot of big words. I wish I could actually speak Russian so I could see how long that would be. I mean yeah Soviet Union! Это был пятилетним соглашением, ограничено уровнем 1972 количество межконтинентальных баллистических и подводных ракет каждая страна может иметь (Ok yeah that's really long, and I was that bored that I went to google translate and translated this. Stop judging me King.)

Invasion of Afghanistan

1979

We invaded Afghanistan in 1979 due to a Muslim revolt threatening to topple the awesome Communist regime. The U.S. supplied those stupid militants with weapons. They even turned out to be the Taliban. Ha! The U.S. thought we were threatening oil supplies. Those pansies.

Reagan's Strategic Defense Initiative

1983

Ok, so this jerk Reagan is really anti-Communist. He increased defense spending, putting both economic and military pressure on us. What a jerk. he announced the Strategic Defense Initiative or SDI which is a program to protect against enemy missiles. He didn't put it into effect but still remained a symbol of the U.S.'s love for anti-Communism. I mean why would you hate Communism. It's helped so many people!

US point of view

Iron curtain- An imaginary barrier between the great capitalist states and the monsterous Communist states. Containment- The Capitalist's great plan of stopping the spread of communism. The plan is to keep the disasterous ideas of communism from getting to other countries. Brinkmanship- The willingness to go to the edge of war, but not actually have war. The cowardly communists will see us get ready for war and start getting scared for we are much more supperior than they are. Domino theory- the belief that when one country gets consumed by the horrible control of communism nearby countries will see false goodness in communism and follow them to their demise also.

Yalta conference

february 4 1945 - february 11 1945

The great U.S.A and Great Britain met with the monsterous Soviet Russia to divide up Germany, have Germans compensate for Russian losses, Stalin start fighting Japan, and the Lying Stalin promised Eastern Europeans the opportunity to vote for their leader (even though he never gave it because he is power hungry and lies a lot).

Potsdam Peace conference

07/17/1945 - 08/02/1945

The power hungry U.S.S.R forced communism upon the Eastern European countries even though he promised that he wouldn't. Our Valient Leader Truman had Stalin and Atlee (Great Britain's leader) meet at Potsdam Germany to discuss the fact that Stalin refused to allow free election in Eastern Europe.The untrustworthy Stalin refused to do anything though.

Marshall Plan

1948 - 1951

The Great America had decided to give western European countries that rejected the ideas of communism money to help rebuild their economy. Paying this money helped prevent the sinister ideas of communism to spread to these countries.

explosion of Joe 1

1949

The U.S.S.R finally caught up to the Americans. Only took 5 years. Truman has decided that we will build an H bomb to prove to the dirty Russians that we will forever be the best!!!!

Formation of NATO

1949

12 great democratic countries decided to join together in the North Atlantic Treaty Organization. If the U.S.S.R attacked any of the members of NATO then we would all join together to squash the horrible Russians.

Korean War

1950 - 1953

At the end of WW2 Korea was split at the 38th parallel. The poor Koreans above the 38th parallel will be brainwashed to believe that communism is good, for they were taken over by the disgusting Russians. The lucky Koreans below the 38th parallel will get to understand the truth that democracy is the way to go. In 1950 the sickening North Koreans committed a horrible crime by having a surprise attack on South Korea. The Soviets had supplied the North Koreans with a lot of supplies. The South Koreans asked for help from the United Nations. They got 15 countries two of which were the majestic U.S.A and G.B. The Chinese then pushed the United Nations further down. There was then a cease fire signed, and the border was back to being right next to the 38th parallel. The aftermath was 4 million deaths, and South Korea developed a massive growth in their industry.. Stupid North Koreans.

formation of Warsaw pact

1955

Haha look at the puny U.S.S.R. They decided to copy us and form an alliance of their own, the Warsaw pact. The countries that joined the inferior alliance are Soviet Union, East Germany, Czechoslovakia, Poland, Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, and Albania.

Suez Canal Crisis

1956

Gamal Abdel Nasser, Egypt's president sent troops to grab control of the Suez canal from the British. Our good friend decided to get France and Israel to help take the canal back. They quickly destroyed the Egyptians, but we pressured them to retreat and give Egypt control of the canal.

Vietnam War

1957 - 1973

The disastrous Vietnamese war started when the Nationalists joined together with the communists to defeat the French. The country was divided at the 17 north latitude line. The communists moved up to the North to live by their disgusting communist ways, and us, the great U.S.A and our dear Allie France set up an anti-Communist government in the south. The communists had the guerrilla Vietcong fight in the south. Their fighting style was so cheep. They wouldn't fight us macho v macho like they should have. They were pansies. They great U.S.A tried to help. We sent more than half a million American troops there, but the great Americans did not believe our lives were worth this war. So we trained the South Vietnamese to fight back, and we exited so we could spare our soldiers for when they would have to destroy The Soviets. 2 years later the North overran the south. It was a sad day, but communism will not spread.

Sputnik launched

August 1957

OH no! those dirty communists used an ICBM to get a satellite into outer space. Think about the destruction they can do to us if they have access to space, and we are helpless to their attacks. We have increased our math and science in the U.S though, and we will bounce back by having a man on the moon before the Soviets do.

Cuban missle crisis

july 1962

The Soviets believed that they could expand into Latin America so they started pointing missile sites in Cuba. Our all seeing eye noticed the building of the missile sites in Cuba and demanded it to stop. We put a naval blockade around Cuba to stop the U.S.S.R from putting in more missiles. Most people believed that a nuclear war was about to break out between us and the disgusting Soviets. JFK demanded the missiles to be moved, and the Soviets realized our superiority and listened to us. All we had to do was promise not to invade the puny island of Cuba. Why would we want Cuba. Its nothing like MURICA!!! and its gonna be in the 50s for a long time...

Detente

1970 - 1973

Our great president Nixon met with the horrible premier Brezhnev to commit detente between the two countries. That means instead of direct confrontation we would lesson the tensions between us. We decided to be the bigger man and try to mend our relationship a little bit. I mean no one really wants to have a nuclear winter.

SALT

1972

Originally just the Great Americans and bad Soviets did the Strategic Arms Limitation Talks, but in 1975 another 33 countries joined Salt. It was were we agreed to limit the amount of ICBM and submarine-launched missiles a country could have.

Invasion of Afghanistan

1979

The Soviets entered into Afghanistan and tried to set up a quick victory. They were trying to threaten our oil supplies. They did not know what us Americans had in store for them. We armed rebels to defeat the Soviets. We won by 1989 when all Soviet troops were removed.

Reagan's Strategic Defense Initiative

1983

Our president Reagan realized how bad communism is. He increased our spending on defense and announced the SDI. It was a defensive program that never actually took place. It made the tensions grow between the two of us, and helped push towards the fall of the U.S.S.R.