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Nazila Passes Away

12/14/2011

One of the most insane events that has ever happened. Lord, I thank you for your grace and for your mercy but what an unbelievably awful season. I will never forget all of the times Natalia cried her heart out... I will never forget seeing Nazila in San Ramon and in UCSF.

I will never forget the bedside manners of the doctors. I will never forget when the doctors created a dramatic scene and had us all walk into an empty room to tell us horrible, pessimistic outcomes. We immediately went to UCSF where she had been healed temporarily

I will never forget when Natalia and I were driving home and she cried on my shoulder...

I will never forget Natalia's whole family coming from Atlanta and all of the Persians that rallied around their family.

I will never forget being at UCSF all day, waitingin the waiting room, wanting to be with Natalia so badly.

I will never forget Natalia calling me one night and crying to me so hard on the phone when Khale and her Dad came in the room to console her.

I will never forget stopping by a church with Natalia, Khale and Jim. I will never forget trying to share the Gospel with Jim as he was crying so hard.

I will never forget playing Hanging With Friends with Natalia so much during that time, especially at the Hospital.

I will never forget being in the Hospice. I remember sitting across the room from Jim desperately trying to have Nazila talk to him and crying so hard while one of their family friends pulled him out of the room. I remember when the man grabbed Jim's arm... he looks so confused -- just a flurry of emotion...

I will never forget being in Chicago and getting a confusing text from Emily finding out that Nazila passed through her.

I will never forget all of those times at the cafe in Danville with Natalia's family.

I remember driving to Nazila's funeral service and parking horribly in front of all the Persians.

I met Paris for the first time at Nazila's funeral.

Freaking Mahin...

I will never forget Natalia sharing the Gospel at her mom's funeral service.

I don't know how we survived that season... how traumatic. My poor, Natalia...

Journey

01/08/2012

Started going to Journey Community Church.

I remember having a horrible time transition because their small groups were not quite as hip or personable as Flood. That was such a tough transitioning time in my life with everything going on with Natalia.

Journey always reminds me of 'Forever Reign' by Hillsong. They played it all the time!

Decker Communications

01/12/2012 - 01/13/2012

Crazy that this opportunity opened up. I remember wearing my winter coat that I had from Chicago since San Francisco was so cold. Being in San Francisco on my own reminded me of Nazila and those tragic times in the hospital. I also met a guy named Randy and asked him for support.

I loved Decker. It was great reinforcement for all the things I learned in SigEp.

Crazy that I met Tom Dowd and he connected me with Shawn Young.

CLA

2/3/12 - 2/4/12

Got to facilitate at CLA in Irvine. I don't even remember what seminar I led but I remember rockin' out.

1 on 1 with Pfeiffer

2/17/12

Met with Pfeiffer -- was so freaking rocked and inspired by his faith. He opened my heart to gifts and desiring gifts as well as challenging people in conversations. High impact conversation.

Spying out the land

2/18/12

Finished spying out the land report.

Mali

3/3/12

Picked up Natalia's engagement ring in Del Mar :)

Greek Staff Conference

3/4/12 - 3/8/12

I remember fighting so much insecurity at Greek Staff Conference. I was so confused with my calling and I was meeting so many powerful Greek Staff that I didn't know how on Earth I could ever be amongst these people.

I remember doing Insanity with Pat and I got to know Casey Groff SO well this trip. Turns out we have a lot in common.

I remember staying with Ben Strugill, Jon Mackorell, Steve Lambert and the Mann's. We had so many long conversations. What an amazing family of Greek IV staff I got to step into.

This is when Tori told me that Kurt was moving to Los Angeles! Everyone was so excited that I was going to propose to Natalia 2 days after Greek Staff Con

Proposed to Natalia

03/10/2012 - 03/11/2012

Proposed to the woman of my dreams.

She thought that I was going to propose for at least 6 months. Took her out to breakfast at a Hilton buffet off the beach while all of her friends came over to decorate the house. We went to the beach afterwards and reminisced on our relationship.

We got to Cabrillo National Monument where there was a collage, roses and a camera setup for us.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZSpe9XOLi4

15 of Natalia's friends came down from NorCal. I was so nervous to propose... I wanted it to go so well. We celebrated in Disneyland the day after :)

Thank you Lord for bringing us together in the way that you did. Thank you for the friends you put in our lives that have shown us so much love and care. You are the best Father ever.

Catalina Spring Break

3/25/12 - 3/30/12

What an awful boat ride. It was an infirmary from all of the people throwing up. Got to lead a seminar on spiritual disciplines and go through Mark 2.

Birthday

4/8/12

Fiance came into town and we Karaoked the night away with some very, very close friends. What an amazing time!

Iowa

4/18/12 - 4/20/12

Got some of my first experience with Chapter Planting by heading to Iowa with Beau and visiting University of Iowa and Drake!

I remember the SigEps at U of I were not very kind. I also remember staying at the student union with Beau. We also played a lot of ping pong at the Area Staff Meeting.

We also went to Drake where we had an Alpha Phi connection while they were having some color painting fiasco.

4 Circles Diagram

4/27/12

Got to share the 4 circles diagram at Journey Community Church. Spoke at 3 different services! Praise God it was so fun!

Mindy Meier was also in town. Mel helped so much with my tabling.

Drove to LA to lock down apartment

5/2/12

Spur of the moment craigslist ad came up for a great deal on a 1 bdroom apartment. Praise God for opening this door! Found it in in the morning, left for LA that day and came back that same night.

Wakeboarding with the Darbonnes

6/2/12

So much fun out on the lake with the Darbonnes

Regionals - Deliverance

6/8/12 - 6/12/12

Regional Conference getting ready to go UCLA. I remember feeling so sad to leave the SD team. I remember being afraid that it was just me and Beau.

I remember being delivered from demons by Casey, Steve and Audrey. Praise you God for relief of that torment.

ONS + NISET

6/17/12 - 7/3/12

ONS -- had so much healing that happened with my family. Struggled so much with ethnic identity. Was in Madison for SO long...

Play tennis with Eric Holmer. I remember I cried during worship being overwhelmed by God's love. So crazy...

I remember going out EVERY SINGLE night and meeting so many staff. I really felt my extrovertiveness come to life as I was being healed from my insecurities.

I got to be reunited with my, now, chapter planting coach, John Mack.

I went through the Cohort and learned so much about being bold and embracing an apostolic identity.

I was so sad to be there for so long. I was so sad to leave hanging out with Pat.

So blessed to have him as a friend.

Moved to LA

7/8/12

Moved to Los Angeles. Left San Diego met with Kurt who had the entire apartment furnished. I can't believe I'm here still... I can't believe this is all happening. Seriously? Went to ONS and NISET, Annie's wedding then EJ's wedding, stayed in SD and then left for LA the next night for good? Insane...

First Week @ UCLA

7/9/12

The most horrible prayer walk I've ever been on in my entire life. Here are the letters that I wrote:

"Why am I here? What on Earth am I doing here? I can't do this, Lord. I can't hear from you. Who am I supposed to talk to!?

Lord, free me from the lies of not being worthy. Allow me to walk on campus with a spiritual authority. Remember Cornelius? He was a gentile talking to a jew. I'm getting so anxious. "If I don'ttalk to someone I am failing." FREE ME LORD!

"Nick, Walk."
Lord, I am looking at every single individual and comparing myself to who they are. If they are anything I'm not (which everyone does) I shut myself down.

Lord, what is this barrier!?

__

(When I said I would talk to the next Greek student God provides me and I didn't)

Lord you brought me one Greek student -- Why am I afraid? Why can't I approach groups?

Would I do it if he were alone? Nick what are you doing? This is your job!!

You need to sow abundantly -- GO!

(I then went to talk to the student I was afraid of)


(After talking to Greek Advisors)

Lord -- Honestly -- What am I doing here? I'm not a big picture person, what am I doing? God I'm afraid. I'm afraid CRU is too well known. I'm afraid I won't see anything happen. I have no idea what I'm doing God!!

...But I'm here -- for you. Even if it hurts, even if it means death, it's you and me, Lord. It's you and me. Lead me. Support me. USE ME!

"Nick, don't let my glory pass you by."


(Retreated to Library for rest)

Lord, this library is literally a scene out of a movie. Lord the students here must be out of this world... Why do I compare myself so much to these students? God, I praise you for the ways you have made me. Thank you Lord that you protect me from the evil one. Spirit, lead me!

Pick-Up Basketball @ Beta

7/13/12

Bball with Hop, Kabir and Derrell. Started GIGs with Kabir through this.

Prayer walk with Derrell

7/17/12

Let my first prayer walk with Derrell where we met Ryan Fritz