My life

Place + major events


April 28 1985 - August 1987


April 28 1985


August 1987 - September 1990


September 1990 - 1992

This period of two years feels like much longer in my memory. Why?

Dad leaves

October 1990

I had just started kindergarten.
I remember feeling curiously detached. I don't remember being upset.

Sexual abuse

1991 - June 1992

Mom marries Joe


Snohomish, WA

1992 - 1999

I think right after we moved here is the last time Joe molested me.

Bonney Lake, WA

1999 - July 2003

The house I would grow to hate.


July 2003 - July 2004

Started getting treatment for depression, took antidepressants. Got my first job at McDonalds, but was only there about a week...


July 2004 - July 2005

break up with Randy

June 2005

He decides to leave me. We still live together. He is still fucking me.
This is a massively destructive and chaotic event, over the course of a month or two? Incredible pain, anger, and a taste (?) of liberation.

PLU dorm

September 2005 - June 2006

living in a dorm, I felt extremely 'different' and alienated

Garfield St.

June 2006 - March 2008

This was immersion into my new life with Ola

I speak the truth

July 2007

I hadn't planned on it.. but on the way home from the family reunion in which I had felt such love, only tainted with the presence of the abuser, the truth made itself spoken. I broke through.


March 2008 - August 2008

"best year of my life," up to that point. Met Cliff, and Billy, and Kurt, and all the rest... chaos, drunken disasters, and so much fun


August 2008 - June 2009

I shared a studio with Cara in downtown Tacoma. My social life was dominated by her at this time.

Puerto Rico

January 2009

This is where the ultimate falling-out with Cara occurred. She was revealed to me as a manipulative, lying, broken person whom I could not help.

Realization - rage and revenge

March 2009

I had a breakthrough where I realized the intense hatred and rage I felt towards my abuser (and the society at large that fostered such sickness); I realized that I wanted revenge. I owned my feelings and gave myself permission to act on them. This freedom included the freedom to act violently, but when I had the choice, I chose not to.


June 2009 - June 2010

Here is where I first started getting back into life in Parkland, building a new social life for myself

Realization - sexuality

December 2009

Mark came to visit me at my place. He brought meth, and I tried it with him. We talked all night. I felt awake and alive and full of energy (of course). When he left, he gave me some kind of very strong painkiller and told me they would ease the coming-down. I was filled with ecstasy mixed with pain... and somewhere in there, I realized the nature of my own sexuality; i.e. the fact that I was a 'submissive' and a masochist in some sense. I fully realized and accepted this revelation, and resolved to act on it.

Blue House

June 1 2010 - June 1 2013

Happiness in community, stability, and a true feeling of home


November 2010

Kopan Monastery... I think around this time is when I was first able to see Joe as a human rather than a monster.

Liisa house <3

May 15 2013 - August 20 2013

Rejection by birth parents

June 14 2013


August 20 2013 - June 2015


March 28 2014

realized structural dissociation of my personality

School & Work


1990 - September 1990

1st grade

1991 - 1992

2nd through 8th grade

1992 - 1999

Sumner Middle School

1999 - 2000

Sumner Senior High

2000 - 2003

Major Trauma - loss of friends


In one fell swoop I lost everything that was dear to me, all my hopes and dreams, all the adventures of youth.
I wanted them to come talk to me, to try to make it better, but no one did. I felt so betrayed and abandoned. Like no one really cared that much. Then I was 'replaced' by Crystal, and life went on without me...


June 2004 - June 2005

first job - gave me a sense of pride and accomplishment that I could master something, and successfully appear 'normal'


September 2005 - May 2010


May 2006 - November 2010

It was good here for a few years, then turned crappy.

Greater Lakes

August 2011 - February 2013

At first this was a good learning experience for me, then it became exhausting, and finally traumatizing.

Trauma - Mark, Samantha, Brittany

December 2012


September 2013 - June 2015



2001 - 2002


July 2004 - June 2005


2006 - March 2008


May 2008


June 2008


August 2008


October 2008


November 2008 - March 2009


May 2009


May 2010 - May 2011


March 20 2012 - August 20 2013


December 2013





September 1990 - 1992

I remember I made her play 'husband and wife' with me... which was just lying in bed with our legs scissor-ing each other. I don't remember any actual sensations attached.
Later I would remember that I had done this with her (she didn't like the game), and felt ashamed.

Whitney, Chelsea, Joyce???



1993 - 1995

Aubrey, Abby

1995 - 1996

Realization - abuse

August 1995

Sometime around here I realized for the first time that abuse had occurred - something called 'sexual abuse' - and it also occurred to me that he might do it again. I became hypervigilant and protective of others I thought might become victims - I remember thinking I shouldn't let Abby be alone with him.
I thought that it was too late to tell my mom. I didn't want my mom to be all alone because of me.

Also: sometime around here, age 10 (I presume before the realization of abuse, but I'm not sure), I remember coming awake for the first time... as in, self-aware. I became aware of being aware of myself. I remember I was outside, swinging and playing in the sun. I felt it as a strange and unique moment.

Andrea, Ashley

1996 - 1997

Catherine, Chelsea

August 1997 - 1999


1999 - 2002

Cheyanne, Rose

2000 - 2002

Thin Forums

2002 - July 2004

My only social contact was through this site, obsessed with the eating disorder

Faye, Princess Ai

September 2005 - June 2006


February 2006 - January 2009

Drew, Tally

2010 - 2012

The first truly nurturing female connections I had felt in a long time...

Kelly, Naomi, Claire

June 2011 - June 2013

2nd year at the Blue House, with 3 of those who would become my dearest friends...


tics, phobias, OCD, psychosomatic stuff, compulsive masturbation

1992 - 2000

life revolved around eating disorder

2000 - July 2004